Stealing His Last Name

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Marriage brings – a husband, in laws, extended family, new home, new city, new life, new customs and a new SURNAME.

I am a firm believer in changing one’s surname for marriage. Whenever I will get married I will change from my father’s surname to my husband’s surname personally and legally and it gives me an idea to “reserve” my married G-mail account.

For me marriage is an achievement and changing surname reflects that. The change of surname is often an indication that the girl is married now and I would want the society to know I am married, why would I ever hid my relationship status?

In my opinion changing surname after marriage is a mark of love, a mark of a wife belonging to her husband. It’s actually romantic for me. It’s showing that I am a part of him and his life. Of course, it’s not the only way of showing that, but it’s a very visible way, and one that can make me feel even closer to him.

If women can go and stay in the men’s house considering its own then what is the problem in accepting the husband’s name? When everything of my husband would belong to me after marriage why can’t his surname be mine?

Taking on his surname not only signifies the new direction I would take in future, it will represent the new identity I will have as a wife, daughter in law and mother. Being married doesn’t make you any less of an individual or any less “you,” it definitely doesn’t kill your identity as a professional or in personal ways. I have always dreamt of having a names outside my house which would be read as Mr and Mrs ____, I am waiting for this dream to come true.

It would be always a proud moment for me in future when I would be addressed as Mrs ___ (Husband’s Last Name). I love travelling places and I often dream about my honeymoon or vacations with my husband and both of us having the same surname (as a married couple) would avoid hassles. I dont understand the idea of women keeping their maiden name after marriage, with husband’s surname to it, add to confusion with 2 surnames.  Not one I have many around me who didn’t change their surname, but their children have the husband’s surname. Isn’t she the husband’s wife and mother to the born children? It does harm the children when they realise that their father and mother have different surnames.

My mother took my father’s surname (and also his name) just like her mother and her mother in law did and like every woman I can think of who have got married. All the women follow this tradition of embracing their husband’s surname as the unwritten rule of the matrimony club and I believe in this pattern.

I think it is wrong to feel that if a woman changes her surname after marriage, it seems like that women compromise and not men, or they are gifting their ownership in wedding to the man, or it encourages feminist movements- just one of the ways to show the men that women are par with them.

Before marriage a women is the responsibility of his father and after marriage she is her husband’s responsibility and surname says it all.

Just for example: Husband’s friend(s) throw a party, and wants to invite you and him for it, what would they address or write in the invite if the woman hasn’t changed her surname? Mr___ and Miss___? Who are these two? How are they related? At the party, how should people address her? Miss, Mrs, Madam? Why add to the confusion and make life more complicated? Mr. & Mrs. _______ sounds easy and trouble-free.

I feel changing surname doesn’t take away your personality, change your nature, makes you a different human being, it doesn’t change the fact that you are always your parents daughter, sister your siblings, it will not wipe away your studies, values and etc. It will not even harm your self esteem or respect.

Despite the laws and freedom, I will choose to keep my husband’s name because I would like to be a part of his family. It is not an obligation but own preference as it gives a sense of belonging.

“This post is for Day 1 of UBC and Daily Chatter

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13 thoughts on “Stealing His Last Name

  1. very well thought and a wonderful writeup.. you know how to put your thoughts into words like no other.. excellent piece.. though some so called ‘feminists’ would disgaree to this but this is superb and I agree with you completely..

  2. I do not agree however. I love when someone address me as Mrs. So and so. But no, I haven’t changed my name legally or officially. I understand that is seems romantic and gives a sense of belonging. But I do feel it loses your personality and it should always be a choice and not a rule 🙂

  3. Hey Roms , although I respect your views and you are right in saying that women should embrace everything that represents their new life with an open mind.. but I feel retaining the maiden name also doesnt really cause much confusion or chaos . My personal experience so far has been that.
    My kid didnt take too long to understand that his mom and dad have different names .. I mean , they are surnames after all and kids infact can understand far more important aspects like same gender parents or diverse parents from different religions .. so I guess it depends on how things are handled.
    That said .. I believe in to each his own and I found your views very interesting.
    Are you following a theme this october? Wish you the best!

  4. Hmm, each to her own I guess! To change or not to change one’s surname after marriage should be a person’s own wish, not mandated. Interesting to read your POV!

  5. You have expressed your views very nicely. I believe changing name after marriage should be a personal choice of the lady. And society should stop judging the choices made.

  6. A senior of mine from the college was glad she need not change her lat name because her would be’s were the same. 😉 All left to the lady as of what she wants. Right? She could if she wants to and leave it if she doesn’t. I think it matters less. What matters more is keeping the relationship beautiful. 🙂

  7. I think changing surname shouldnt be a topi of discussion at all. I am wondering how that even started. Lot of legal hassles too to get ti changed officially. Naam mein kya rakha hain all that matters are your thoughts ans emotions.

  8. Its interesting to read your point of view. But I do not agree with yours, I haven’t changed my surname legally or officially after marriage, and never felt the need to. The sense of belonging can also come from just the name change is something very difficult for me to understand. All the best for DailyChatter challenge:)Lookinfg forward to read more posts.

  9. Nice take on a controversial topic. In my case, my husband is fondly called by his pet name HAPPY wherever he goes. Even our wedding card mentioned this name. No one knew Happy’s first name. Now everyone knows it – that is because I stole it….I love being called Mrs. Amarkant. It gives me a sense of pride, happiness and joy to share an identity with the man with whom I became one.
    I couldnt take his family name because it’s JAIN and I am not a Jain.

  10. I haven’t changed my name after marriage and I have no plans to do that as well. I personally don’t think it is a big factor. Everyone can decide for themselves. 🙂 For me it is a sense of individuality. I mean, I have lived with my name too long to give it away. It means a lot to me. I identify with this name and I do not want to change it just because I got married. I do not judge anyone when they change their names after wedding. I also think it is cute but it is just not for me 🙂
    I will give it to you though for writing about it. It is always nice to read/write your heartfelt thoughts about something you believe in 🙂 A nice change from ‘This post is sponsored from blah blah’ kind of posts 😀

  11. I think its about individuality and I have retained my maiden surname and my husbands surname too..but everybody has different perspectives..so its all about what you think and what matters more to you..for me many other things matters much more in a marriage than just a name..liked your point of view too 🙂

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