October 1 2016

Stealing His Last Name


Marriage brings – a husband, in laws, extended family, new home, new city, new life, new customs and a new SURNAME.

I am a firm believer in changing one’s surname for marriage. Whenever I will get married I will change from my father’s surname to my husband’s surname personally and legally and it gives me an idea to “reserve” my married G-mail account.

For me marriage is an achievement and changing surname reflects that. The change of surname is often an indication that the girl is married now and I would want the society to know I am married, why would I ever hid my relationship status?

In my opinion changing surname after marriage is a mark of love, a mark of a wife belonging to her husband. It’s actually romantic for me. It’s showing that I am a part of him and his life. Of course, it’s not the only way of showing that, but it’s a very visible way, and one that can make me feel even closer to him.

If women can go and stay in the men’s house considering its own then what is the problem in accepting the husband’s name? When everything of my husband would belong to me after marriage why can’t his surname be mine?

Taking on his surname not only signifies the new direction I would take in future, it will represent the new identity I will have as a wife, daughter in law and mother. Being married doesn’t make you any less of an individual or any less “you,” it definitely doesn’t kill your identity as a professional or in personal ways. I have always dreamt of having a names outside my house which would be read as Mr and Mrs ____, I am waiting for this dream to come true.

It would be always a proud moment for me in future when I would be addressed as Mrs ___ (Husband’s Last Name). I love travelling places and I often dream about my honeymoon or vacations with my husband and both of us having the same surname (as a married couple) would avoid hassles. I dont understand the idea of women keeping their maiden name after marriage, with husband’s surname to it, add to confusion with 2 surnames.  Not one I have many around me who didn’t change their surname, but their children have the husband’s surname. Isn’t she the husband’s wife and mother to the born children? It does harm the children when they realise that their father and mother have different surnames.

My mother took my father’s surname (and also his name) just like her mother and her mother in law did and like every woman I can think of who have got married. All the women follow this tradition of embracing their husband’s surname as the unwritten rule of the matrimony club and I believe in this pattern.

I think it is wrong to feel that if a woman changes her surname after marriage, it seems like that women compromise and not men, or they are gifting their ownership in wedding to the man, or it encourages feminist movements- just one of the ways to show the men that women are par with them.

Before marriage a women is the responsibility of his father and after marriage she is her husband’s responsibility and surname says it all.

Just for example: Husband’s friend(s) throw a party, and wants to invite you and him for it, what would they address or write in the invite if the woman hasn’t changed her surname? Mr___ and Miss___? Who are these two? How are they related? At the party, how should people address her? Miss, Mrs, Madam? Why add to the confusion and make life more complicated? Mr. & Mrs. _______ sounds easy and trouble-free.

I feel changing surname doesn’t take away your personality, change your nature, makes you a different human being, it doesn’t change the fact that you are always your parents daughter, sister your siblings, it will not wipe away your studies, values and etc. It will not even harm your self esteem or respect.

Despite the laws and freedom, I will choose to keep my husband’s name because I would like to be a part of his family. It is not an obligation but own preference as it gives a sense of belonging.

“This post is for Day 1 of UBC and Daily Chatter

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