Go away Resolutions

no-more-resolutions

Let’s face it — it’s pretty pointless waiting all year to decide on one or two things that you kind, sort to want to stop doing, but that you know full well you’re not really committed to following through with anyway. How crazy is that? Resolutions don’t work. Stop smoking? Start exercising? Eat healthily? More work/life balance? These all sound good on the surface, but typically a resolution is based on what you think you should be doing, rather than what you really want to be doing. Too often, resolutions are decided upon by looking at other peoples expectations or by reading a magazine that tells you how to ‘get fit by summer’. Nonsense – forget about what you or other people think you ought to be doing and look at what you really want.

The problem is that as soon as you set yourself a goal you’re saying to yourself that you want more in your life than you have right now. The very nature of goals make you look forwards at what’s next, never at what you’ve got right now. Goals have the tendency to make you feel less-than, because there’s something you don’t have now that you aspire to have in the future. The real gold and real value is in the experience, NOT in the end result.

The problem is that you’re taking something that doesn’t mean anything to you and trying to make it happen. Resolutions lack a foundation of meaning and personal relevance that makes sure they run out of steam. Sure, you might get an initial burst of motivation that gets you started, but that never lasts. Motivation is like the big rocket boosters on the space shuttle – it gives you an initial spurt of energy to get up and get moving, but it’s just not sustainable.

Not only are you coming off the back of the holidays and getting back to the harsh realities of the world, but you see the whole of the year stretching ahead of you and summer’s a whole 6 months away. Living a full life isn’t about making some woolly, half-hearted decisions that don’t really mean anything. That’s not what truly confident people do. Instead, make confident choices based on what really matters to you, and jump in with both feet.

2,570 total views, no views today

Word of the year 2017 #FridayReflections

I’ve been seriously intrigued by all the “word of the year” posts floating around. Each one seems as poetic as the last, putting so much into one little word. It’s funny how you can really encompass all your desires and goals for a year into a single word. And yet it all seems to fit. I’d like to say I thought long and hard about my word. But that isn’t the case. It kind of just came to me. To me thriving is optimal living. It’s being present and awake and stepping up to be my best self physically, emotionally, spiritually, creatively and within my relationships. It’s not a quest for perfection. It’s an opportunity to continue choosing to let go of things outside of my control and to figure out who that best-me-right-now really is. It will be a whole new journey!

I feel like I have been constantly waiting for things to be just right to do something. Instead of trying to wait for circumstances to be just right this year I am committed to doing more than just reacting or surviving. Regardless of how hectic the year may be I am going to thrive.  To thrive is grow or develop well or vigorously. to prosper or flourish. to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances. This word excites me so much! it excites me because it invites progress and growth regardless of surrounding circumstances, which I’ve realized I have very little control of. I want my relationships, my health, and work to thrive in 2017.

Bring it on 2017. It’s what I need to do desperately, what I need to do to make myself better, what I need to do to be happy, successful, and live a full life in the New Year.

2,091 total views, no views today

Reasons ‘not’ to Pray

too_busy_1280

We all know we have our own reasons to pray to god, but what is this I recently read there are even excuses for not praying.

a. I am too busy

b. I don’t feel like it

c. I am not in a good place spiritually

d. I am too sinful

e. I am too angry at God

f. God won’t hear my prayers?

Have you ever bought into any of these statements when it comes to prayer? When I consider all my way in which I spend time with God , a prayer is always the one that I allow to happen. It makes so little sense though, that this would be the first things to go, when I consider the wonderful promises scripture makes regarding what prayer achieves.

1,148 total views, no views today

Favourite festival #FridayReflections

Diwali is a festival of lights. Diyas, candles and tiny light bulbs are all over the place. As far as your sight goes, you will see rows of houses decorated with colorful lights. It feels surreal to witness so much of beauty, as if stars descended on earth. I personally love earthen diyas. Lighting 14 diyas with oil and cotton wick is a must for most of the Hindu households.

Paper lanterns, also known as Kandeels deck up our houses. Colorful paper is used to create unique patterns. Not just colourful papers, but metallic papers, cellophane plastic sheets are also used to create Kandeels. They especially come out this time of the year. More than a house, I like looking at them in clusters displayed at a shop. They look so magical, just out from countryside fair.Diwali cleaning is a magnanimous affair. It starts from cleaning the water tank to your toe nail. The entire house is cleaned so that Goddess Laxmi doesn’t decide to skip her visit to your home. You see, Goddess Laxmi has an OCD with dirt. Also, she is allergic to dust mites. No, I am not kidding! At times, due to this cleaning spree we find lost objects or discard old stuff. Most of the times it leads to wardrobe overhaul. You know what I mean.We all are game to go back to our roots and experiment with Indian style and ensembles. Dressing up is so much fun for me. Environmentalists please pardon me, but crackers do mark the festivity. I don’t like the pollution and the noise generated with the crackers. But if community cracker bursting is done at one place for a limited period of time then a lot can be managed in terms of pollution. I do find them extremely beautiful when rockets burst into zillion sparkling stars or anars spew a fountain of sparklys. Who doesn’t love gifts? And Diwali is the best time to give and receive gifts. People exchange gifts with their friends and family. I love this part completely. Doubt is like darkness, Trust is like light, There is no way to destroy light by throwing darkness in to it. So come together and enjoy the festival of lights.

Which is your favourite festival? Do leave a comment below.

1,093 total views, no views today

To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved

I don’t know why, but I can’t bring myself to trust people. Every time I’ve trusted people in the past I’ve been let down, so now it’s easier and less painful to just rely on myself. Maybe you feel similarly, and even if you don’t, you’ve probably experienced broken trust in a past relationship that has caused you to question whether or not it’s worth trusting again. When you find yourself struggling to decide whether or not to trust someone, it’s important to figure out the reasons why. Our propensity to trust is based on many factors, chief among them being our personality, early childhood role models and experiences, beliefs and values, culture, self-awareness and emotional maturity. The combination of these factors and experiences shapes how quickly, and how much trust we extend to others. Your experiences may have resulted in you viewing trust as something to be earned, not given, so therefore you withhold trust from others until you’re absolutely sure they deserve it. Even then, you may only extend trust grudgingly or in small amounts. Having a low propensity to trust can hold you back from experiencing true joy and fulfillment in relationships. Unrealistic, unspoken, and unclear expectations are a primary cause for low or broken trust in relationships, and the higher the expectations the more likely it is they won’t be met. Trust usually isn’t something people openly talk about or address in relationships until it’s been broken, and by then it’s often too late to salvage the relationship or the breach of trust seems too big to overcome. Clarifying expectations is preventative medicine when it comes to trust. It’s much better to have the awkward or uncomfortable discussion up front about roles, responsibilities, and expectations, than it is to deal with the fallout when either party falls short. Trust is as vital to healthy relationships as oxygen is to a scuba diver; survival is impossible without it. Whether it’s a naturally low propensity to trust, having unrealistic expectations, or letting our past hurts hold us back from trusting others, we have to move beyond these reasons if we want to have trust-filled relationships in the future.

trust

1,063 total views, 2 views today

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear

I am a one-woman truth squad. I believed in “radical honesty”. Liars triggered my anger. It took me a long time, and many wounded friendships, to realize that my truth may be different from yours, and we can both be right from our own viewpoint. I became that way because as a child I felt that adults always lied. I had had some traumatic experiences that led me to this belief. Today I realize that if I get angry at something someone does, I need to look at myself: often a trait I can’t stand in others is something I dislike about myself. I feel myself starting to go into a rage when I’m lied to especially when it’s a loved one doing the lying. I think it stems from hurt from being lied to in the past. I feel very hurt & let down. Also, it makes me wonder what else this person could possibly be lying to me about. I’m pretty sure we are also angry at ourselves for allowing the person to get away with lying to us, by not being able to do anything about it. We can’t lie like they do, and so it’s not as though we can pay them back with our own lie to them, and so we feel disadvantaged. I think the person who constantly lies needs the help. We just need to be able to get these liars out of our lives, so that we can lead happier, more stable lives.

In order to maintain the pleasantness of any social situation, people have to lie. Questions like ‘How do I look?’, ‘Am I getting Fat?’ or ‘Did you like my gift?’ are bound to fetch lies. You have got to accept that there are certain truths about everyone that are best kept hidden. It is much easier to simply lie than to share embarrassing truths about oneself. Sometime truth can invite a long discourse of unneeded advice, further questions or criticism. The crisis of time is universal to all people and some people have no other option than lying to avoid long conversations. The social needs of people often make them tell lies. Many people succumb to peer pressure and fabricate lies about themselves just to fit in better. Lies can be a small part of big schemes of conniving people. People can get really elaborate with lies in order to change an opinion of someone. Lying is so common that some people even lie just for the sake of it. The reasons for lying are as vast as the human imagination and no list can possibly encompass all the reasons for which humans lie.

80d872537982a26894d5009689f0fec4

1,397 total views, no views today