January 19 2017

Collateral Damage

January 1st, 2017

She has frighten by my touch. My girlfriend is afraid of me, she is shivering even when I tried to touch her to comfort her, today has changed everything and it’s like a beginning of a long nightmare. Last night when I left her alone just for an hour, few drunken guys arrived and molest her….

And it changed our life…..

It’s all over the news now, it happens in many parts of Bangluru and country. Whenever something like this in news, usually we don’t give it much attention until it happens to us. Now she is crying, from last night, barely sleep for few hours, didn’t speak a word at all. Her friends came by, they try to make her understand and we even try to make her agree to register FIR, but she just kept crying.  Finally she is sleeping now, I gave her sleeping pills so that she can have good rest. But I know, Deep inside her, her heart, her soul is ripped apart. I need to do something soon.

January 2nd, 2017

Last night I didn’t sleep much, she wake up in middle of the night and started screaming like hell. I have to run from living room to her room to calm her down, at first, she was terrified by me after a moment, she recognized me and hugged me and started crying. I had sleep on the floor, beside her bed. But I couldn’t sleep for a moment; her screams kept awakening my soul. At office, my few friends came to me. They were asking about her, most of them worried about her health. Between this chitchats one of my close friend told me something which I would never forget. She said “No matter how much you will try, nothing will be normal like before “. I refused to believe that.

I came home and heard loud noise from bathroom, she was vomiting. She was so weak that she couldn’t even able to walk few steps; I need to pick up her to the bed. I even ask her permission to touch her. Whole day her friends tried to convince her to eat and she eat a little and now she vomits that too. Its make me worried, I asked her “can I call your father?” she refused. Her parents didn’t like me much and also the fact that we are in live- in relationship. I remember last time when I talked to her parents, they didn’t care who am I, or my religion. They just want their daughter to be married and then live with me. Of course I love her, so is she, but marriage is long way to go. There is also issue with that if this news is spread, her parents had to suffer a lot.

So it’s all on me now.

January 8th, 2017

I thought if I take her out for dinner, her mood will be changed, but it made her mood even worst. She is now afraid of going out in public, every second man is making her, think of her molester. We have to come back early, also she doesn’t listen much of what I said. She just kept staring in dark, at distance in silence. I played a comedy movie to cheer her up, but every loud voice makes her afraid. And now from few days she feared at home, she called me many time and ask me to come home, I have to take early leave or ask some of her friends to accompany her.

January 10th, 2017

She is okay now, I think.  She stared talking, not much, but a little. She got confused a lot and she has been absence minded, asking me what day it is, even if she has cell phone to look in to. She washed her hands many times in days and take bath more then twice. After bath she rubs her neck and her belly a lot, like she cleaning something. I think she try to clean the each place where her molester had touched her. Today when I tried to kiss her, she kissed me back, it’s almost like before and suddenly she stopped kissing and started crying.  I think everything happen to her came back flushing. I think I have to be just little patient and wait for her. I think everything will be normal soon.

January 15th, 2017

I left her. I know I am a bad person that leaves her in her worst possible time, but I left with no choice, I can’t live like that anymore. Its Sunday, we were sitting on the sofa and were watching a romantic movie. I kissed her, and she kissed me back and we started having foreplay. And then suddenly she kicks me, so hard that I landed on the floor. She started shouting, “Don’t touch me and stay away from me “ I almost started crying, and went behind her, I grabbed her hand and about to tell her that “it’s ok baby, I am here “. She slapped me and told me, she hates me and closed the bedroom door.

I cried a lot, yes she had face horrible time, but I was with her at every step. I packed my bags and walked out of the house, and now I am in the hotel. I messaged her that ‘’it’s over and she can leave anytime she want “ I asked my friends to get my things and now I am here at hotel, all alone. I tried, I really tried my best, but like my friend told me, nothing would be normal like before. And one thing I didn’t tell her, I didn’t tell anyone and will never.

At the night of 31st, when I left her for an hour, I was with my friends, riding bike around the city, drunk. And we see a girl, going in the street alone, and my friend turn the bike that way. We reached there, he stopped the bike and I grabbed that girl from behind. I pressed her body so roughly that I even scratched her and make her bleed. And then I kicked her to the ground, and went with my friend.

Now I can feel what she is going through. And I can’t live with my girl friend because even if I am not the one who hurt her, But I am one of them, an animal. And she deserves someone better. I won’t forgive myself ever.

About the Guest blogger – Pinakin Joshi 

Writing, is as scared for me as love, blogger for 8 years and an entrepreneur.

Read me at marubaharvtu.wordpress.com and mynorthenlights.wordpress.com. 

Reach me @pinakin_joshi on Twitter

1,335 total views, 2 views today