Euphemizing the silent conversation

I don’t blame her.

My heart forces the word out of my mouth when I talk about my past.

Why we need a reason to understand something which is unexplainable. Yes, I was being dumped. No, I still don’t know the reason, but it hurts every time I was being questioned about it. It’s like people are judging me, waiting for me to speak and to find out some hidden truth I was hiding. The truth about my miserable mistake which ended my relationship. Why it’s always been a man’s fault? I wonder sometimes.

Of course, I can’t explain it to her, she loves me, unconditionally. She will blame everyone who hurt me without knowing the true reason. Take my side even if I am wrong. She loves me and I love her. We have a complicated relationship on unspoken rules which we never mention. We feel the same attachment to each other but never talk about it. Every loving and heartwarming conversation we had, were silent. Like someone was narrating our feeling and everyone just reading our words as a subtitle.

She always wonders about my sadness, my lonely face. Yes, I was always smiling and happy around her but she did notice me when I am alone. Dwelling in to the past, staring far away into infinity, searching for an answer which I will never get. She wishes that she could answer my every question. But little did she know, I am not looking for them.

While sleeping on my lap staring at me, she often wonders, who would have been so foolish to leave this guy? I applaud her compliment but deep inside my heart, I know that there were thousands reason to leave me. But yet I never find a single reason why she loved me.

I never let my past ruin my present; I made that mistake before now I learned it, in a hard way. What happens was supposed to happen. There must be some hidden lesson I still need to learn. Maybe I need to fall, so I can learn to pick myself up. I need be dumped so I understand the value of a person. It needs to be hard and depressing so that I value every smile. But without darkness how would I learn the significance of light. How I learn to be broken down into peace and yet reborn and be whole.

I feel blessed when you came around. my silver lining and light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad my mood was, you always put a smile on my face. Following my every move and mimicking my thought process. When everyone put their back at me, you were the only one who keeps running towards me. Like firefighter run towards a burning building. Yes, I was on the edge of collapsing when you enter in to my life. I was in the self-destruct mode.

It took me a while to be familiar with someone, to even talk. You directly shorten that time by your friendly nature. You were like that happy teddy bear who just hug people and absorb their pain.

Hey, I thought you were listing,

She looks back at me while walking away,

Sorry, I said, because she was listening.

Come here, whose the good girl huh come here, and she runs towards me, wagging her tail in happiness and hug me.


About the guest Writer: Pinakin Joshi –  Writer, blogger, entrepreneur, start up builder, chess player. He believes that a story should have multiple message and ending. His creations can be read at Marubaharvtu and Mynorthenlights and can be reached on twitter  – @@pinakin_joshi

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Write Tribe Problogger – Disobedience – Day 5

Sometimes disobedience is necessary and good when rules fail us, and it’s at the core of why we hack. Hacking is a means of expressing dissatisfaction, confounding the mechanism, and ultimately doing better.

It’s hard for a lot of people to justify disobedience because it often involves breaking rules, if not the law. There’s always at least a shred of incorrectness to disobedience, even if it’s committed for all the right reasons. Hacking gets a bad reputation for those reasons as well, and to really understand why hacking is so important it’s necessary to look at its roots: civil disobedience. Though certainly not the first instance, the idea of civil disobedience was popularized by Henry David Thoreau in his aptly titled 1848 essay Civil Disobedience. We’ve seen numerous examples of the benefits of civil disobedience over time, for example, the Nazi party came to power because of civil unrest. Disobedience was a key component in Hitler’s rise to power.

We hack because we want to do better. We hack because we want to demonstrate the desire for greater possibilities. We hack because we’re sick and tired of being caught in a net designed for other people. We hack because it’s fun. With the internet becoming the world community, hacking is our form of civil disobedience. It’s our way to passionately tear down and rebuild, confound the mechanism, and express dissatisfaction through improvement. It’s about doing better, not breaking the law.

I am taking part in The Write Tribe Problogger October 2017 Blogging Challenge

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Lean Into Relationships

Print Length: 143 pages
Language: English
Format: Kindle Edition



Doubt has pivoted many a relationship across the centuries. Whether it is Othello suspicious of Desdemona or through the rise of paranoia as a trope in twentieth-century writings. While paranoia naturally suggests the vulnerability of individual mind to social rhetoric, it is also the space for deep interrogation of the individual that renders him/her to paranoia. This novel presents that doubt has the potential to be a space of liberation.Madeeha works in Jordan to rehabilitate Syrian refugees. Zehen, a political analyst from India, meets her in the US during their social impact program. He is intrigued and charmed by her and falls deeply in love. But the world political climate, with its accompanying cultural narratives about terror and pain, infects Zehen’s mind. Zehen begins to suspect Madeeha as a possible mujahid. Will he find his truth?

Fear doesn’t devastate; it stirs the inner pot. It is a tender love story that triumphs heartbreaks and sets the foundation for a deep lasting future relationship – a delightful emancipation from social intrigues and cultural constraints.

Truly inspirational builds upon the basis of not second guessing everything, and taking risks instead of regretting not taking them. A must-read for anyone. 5 Stars. – Bill McManus, Author, and creator of the Storytime Pup

It would be great if you can add this book to your TBR

At the time of my birth, my parents shared a one-room hut with six other family members in one of the poorest neighborhoods of Delhi.
It was a hot day in the month of March 1995. I was in standard 4th and had an examination the following day. As was regular in that locality, we didn’t have electricity that day. I couldn’t study or sleep properly. One of the watershed moments happened when I came back from school the next day. We had an inverter installed at home. I knew we couldn’t afford an inverter. But my dad was always convinced that the way out of poverty for our family is through education.
Despite an interest in creative writing, I chose to study a subject that society values more – Finance. Later, I got into one of the top colleges for finance in the country. My first salary out of college (in 2007, when I was 20 years old) was higher than that of my dad’s salary at the time.
When I was 24 years old, I had everything that makes one happy – loving parents, great partner, close-knit group of friends, and career path that exceeded every goal. Yet, I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t sad either; but it never felt like my life. I had carefully and meticulously built that life though. Contextually, it was the safe thing to do.
Following year though, I had to deal with the loss of my 7 year old relationship and of my 5 year old job. My identity was crushed. My biggest lesson was that you can fail at what you don’t want, and what you consider safe; you might as well take a chance at what you truly want.
Next year, I got my ‘ideal’ job but walked away from it. Failure had taught me to be more ambitious and audacious. I had reached a point in my life where I wanted my work to have more meaning; and to stand for something more important than myself.
I started a political consulting company to maneuver social ascendance of marginalized communities by equalizing access to political capital. I primarily did topical research for MPs for their debates in the parliament and on TV shows.
Along with running my own company, I focused on my passion for writing and traveling as well. I solo travelled to all seven wonders of the world, and did two-cross country trips by train in India and in the US. I have also written and published three fiction novels.

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