I don’t blame her.
My heart forces the word out of my mouth when I talk about my past.
Why we need a reason to understand something which is unexplainable. Yes, I was being dumped. No, I still don’t know the reason, but it hurts every time I was being questioned about it. It’s like people are judging me, waiting for me to speak and to find out some hidden truth I was hiding. The truth about my miserable mistake which ended my relationship. Why it’s always been a man’s fault? I wonder sometimes.
Of course, I can’t explain it to her, she loves me, unconditionally. She will blame everyone who hurt me without knowing the true reason. Take my side even if I am wrong. She loves me and I love her. We have a complicated relationship on unspoken rules which we never mention. We feel the same attachment to each other but never talk about it. Every loving and heartwarming conversation we had, were silent. Like someone was narrating our feeling and everyone just reading our words as a subtitle.
She always wonders about my sadness, my lonely face. Yes, I was always smiling and happy around her but she did notice me when I am alone. Dwelling in to the past, staring far away into infinity, searching for an answer which I will never get. She wishes that she could answer my every question. But little did she know, I am not looking for them.
While sleeping on my lap staring at me, she often wonders, who would have been so foolish to leave this guy? I applaud her compliment but deep inside my heart, I know that there were thousands reason to leave me. But yet I never find a single reason why she loved me.
I never let my past ruin my present; I made that mistake before now I learned it, in a hard way. What happens was supposed to happen. There must be some hidden lesson I still need to learn. Maybe I need to fall, so I can learn to pick myself up. I need be dumped so I understand the value of a person. It needs to be hard and depressing so that I value every smile. But without darkness how would I learn the significance of light. How I learn to be broken down into peace and yet reborn and be whole.
I feel blessed when you came around. my silver lining and light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad my mood was, you always put a smile on my face. Following my every move and mimicking my thought process. When everyone put their back at me, you were the only one who keeps running towards me. Like firefighter run towards a burning building. Yes, I was on the edge of collapsing when you enter in to my life. I was in the self-destruct mode.
It took me a while to be familiar with someone, to even talk. You directly shorten that time by your friendly nature. You were like that happy teddy bear who just hug people and absorb their pain.
Hey, I thought you were listing,
She looks back at me while walking away,
Sorry, I said, because she was listening.
Come here, whose the good girl huh come here, and she runs towards me, wagging her tail in happiness and hug me.
About the guest Writer: Pinakin Joshi – Writer, blogger, entrepreneur, start up builder, chess player. He believes that a story should have multiple message and ending. His creations can be read at Marubaharvtu and Mynorthenlights and can be reached on twitter – @@pinakin_joshi
I write a lot, which keeps me off the streets and out of trouble. There is always something to write about, always a new story to craft. Not writing, for me, is like trying to hold back a sneeze. Learning to write was the most powerful influence in my life. I can still remember the awe I felt when I realized I could put real words onto paper and tell out a story. From that first ‘a-ha’ moment I knew I wanted to write.
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