January 12 2018

A FAILURE THAT CHANGED ME

For the past 5 years I have sat back and regretted many relationships in my past – romantic and otherwise too. I always thought to myself why I put myself through those painful relationships. I’m one of those girls who always wanted to get married so when I met the man I thought he was my dream guy, I locked him down fast. We got engaged and 12 months later we ended our relationship. I never really got closure because it was such a toxic relationship, so to me it wasn’t worth the tears or even thinking about ever again. But lately, I’ve been thinking about how that one man and that one relationship with him and his family has changed me so much. And I want to thank him.

Thank you for being a part of my life at some point even if it was just for some months. I believe that certain people come into our lives to change us and make us better, and for me you were one of them. You taught me how to be strong while I was emotionally and verbally abused and harassed beyond imagination. You taught me that my anxiety is hard for certain people to handle and I understand and that it will take special people or one special man to love me with my imperfections and flaws, who would actually ask me the story behind my scars than criticise me for having them or treat me as an untouchable.

I’m glad our engagement failed and I am more happy that I took the step to break the marriage before it happened and walked out of the relationship. I never broke hearts, but because of you I know what that heartbreak feels like. I know what it’s like to plan your entire future and have it all taken away in front of your eyes. I know how to prevent those feelings ever happening again. I stopped dreaming, I stopped planning. I live in the present without worries of the future. In all honesty, I’m glad it all happened because it’s another life experience that helped me grow and mature to the woman I am today.

All those fights, larger than life ego of your, the power struggle, and the embarrassing public uproars. Without those arguments I would have never known how wrong for me you were. I learned since then what actions are worth the fight and what ones are. Those arguments, those big traumatic scenes where my anxiety got the better of me, have really made me a better person today. The nights I lay in bed crying making me realize I never want to go through that again. So yes, our poisonous relationship changed me.

In the end, we didn’t make it as a couple and I am so happy with that failure.  To be able to get closure is the most important thing you can do for yourself. So girls, when you’re sitting back thinking about revenge on your ex man, take a minute and really think, is it worth it? I mean they did after all help shape you into the beautiful woman you are today and will surely lead you to your future man. So do not stay mad at the pasts forever, when you need conclusion, remember this – I would not be the well rounded woman I am today, and I would not know what it’s like to feel that pain. It made me strong. I am the woman when her feet hit the floor each morning the devil says “oh crap she’s up”. That is who I am proud to be.

This post has been written for as a part of #ChatterPrompts’ 

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