March 9 2018

The Freedom To Be

I don’t understand why the term “freedom” is always related politically and not personally? #FreedomToBe is the ability to do whatever I want, as long as it doesn’t contravene on anyone else’s right to do whatever they want. Being your own person requires independence of thought, feeling, and action.

I am 34, over qualified academically (as most of the corporate companies have told me), unmarried, and successful as Writer-Blogger-Editor-Author-Brand Consultant. I am the only one from my school batch – Passed 10th in 1998 who is not married and I am being constantly judged for this. I am happy right now but it does not mean I am not open to getting married. My life is not empty; it has wonderful people. However, I do find myself intermittently lonely and wish for a partner. I occupy for my part with better things in life rather than taking all those negative stereotypes a single woman is always being said about and remain self-assured that the things that I would like to see in my future will happen.

That is pretty hard! No call it, the hardest thing about being single in the 30s is not actually being single, it’s putting up with the constant bombardment of judgements, comments, criticisms and the pressure to “settle down” almost all of which comes from relatives.

While the insensible remarks hurt (such as you should think about freezing your eggs, have you decided on adoption, why aren’t you married or we will find you a man), it is so hard for me to take all these comments from the people who think they have all the right on me to tell me that it is my fault for being single or unmarried.

All these bits and pieces make me question my own happiness sometimes. My life is pretty great. But when these types of awful comments are passed I ask myself Am I really happy being single? I snap out of this question instantaneously, but still, it’s a something I wish I don’t have to think about it again.

I always wonder what forces people to judge single women? Is it because they really think they’re doing us a service by passing comments? Do they really believe my life is empty? Or are they trying to substantiate their views on my life choices? There is in all probability no answer. The separations and the divorce rate among couples are alarming high. What is it about getting into relationship or marriage that still compels people to judge the singles, especially women, to feel that it is the end of happiness and success? I don’t understand why it is ok to judge someone’s single status, but definitely not ok to judge someone’s relationship?

Whenever I think about the judgements passed on me for being single I wish I could also judge them for being in a relationship or being married to a wife beater, alcoholic, psychic, dominating and controlling partners. Seeing these situations I am forced to ask are we so smitten with the idea of marriage no matter how good or bad, is better than being single and enjoying freedom?

I think that women, married and single, should benefit from her freedom, joys and struggles that comes with the relationship status. A single woman should have that freedom to talk about her life without being automatically judged as miserable, or to be able to share her happiness without someone thinking or saying “Yes, but you don’t have a husband or a man in your life.”

I live among very judgmental and traditionalist types, they can’t help themselves since they pretty much did everything by society’s book so they see me – single and successful, and they have issues. I receive hard hitting judging comments from my extended family and first cousins and all these bothers my mother, who is so worried all the time that her 30-something daughter isn’t married. That being said, I want to get married and have a child and I am very much open right now for it, but it is all about the right person coming at the right time. To those who feel judged and really feel weighed down by it, I support you to keep your head up and find the right one for you when it’s right for you, and not anyone else.

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Novemberschild © 2018 | All rights reserved

Posted March 9, 2018 by Novemberschild in category "Musings & Thoughts

About the Author

I write a lot, which keeps me off the streets and out of trouble. There is always something to write about, always a new story to craft. Not writing, for me, is like trying to hold back a sneeze. Learning to write was the most powerful influence in my life. I can still remember the awe I felt when I realized I could put real words onto paper and tell out a story. From that first ‘a-ha’ moment I knew I wanted to write.

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