September 24 2018

Dating Your Own Down Under by Pooja Priyamvada

“The clitoris is pure in purpose. It is the only organ in the body designed purely for pleasure.” Eve Ensler, The Vagina Monologues

In the latest Bollywood film “Veere Di Wedding” one of the characters Sakshi Soni played by Swara Bhaskar has a brief scene in which her husband walks on her while she is masturbating in their bedroom and reaches an orgasm using a vibrator.

Once again female masturbation has come under a scanner in not just Indian mainstream media but in various social media discussions too.

Language of pleasure

Masturbation apparently was recorded as a term as late as 1760-70 in human history though self-pleasuring must have surely existed much longer before that. In popular culture it is often said masturbation is something that men do all the time and women never admit of doing even if they do. The slang expressions used for the act in Western cultures are as varied as- bashing the candle, cleaning the rifle, fisting your mister, fluting solo, but these too are also predominately male in nature as they refer to a penis and rarely a vagina. The Swedes coined a term “Klittra” specifically for female wanking recently, a word created by combining “clitoris” and “glitter”. While it is a worthy attempt at being creative and less technical than female masturbation, this new word also might not summarise what it actually means. The Indian images of the “Yoni” the female genital symbol is often depicted as a flowerlike pointed oval but rarely mentioned publicly while the “lingam” (phallus) is worshipped popularly.

So what’s the Big Deal?

In India where a lot is taboo even to read an article like this on female masturbation ideally perceived “good women” would find some privacy. Of course most adults do indulge in some kind of self-pleasure at some point in time or the other though it is commonly accepted fact that men more often indulge in the act than woman. In conventional cultures like India masturbation is often associated with sin and sometimes even worse than rape and incest because it does not lead to procreation. A society that views women as “pious” and “goddess-like” most of the times and labels women who even initiate sex in committed relationships as “loose” most believe women do not have any sexual desires and a “good Indian woman” would never touch herself for sexual gratification, especially within a marriage.

Why it should be a big deal?

So why is female pleasure so abhorred? The first and foremost reason could be plain male insecurity, if women begin to satisfy themselves sexually without men, it would not be happy scenario for men and their libido.  Also in conventional cultures a woman’s sexual conduct is often related with the notion of morality of not just her but it is believed the “virtue” of entire family and clan resides in the “purity” of a woman’s body referring specifically to her vagina and control over who gets to procreate with her. Surprisingly the very reasons that hold female masturbation in contempt are Indian women’s reason to self-pleasure. Statistics indicate a large number of Indian middle-aged men suffer from erectile dysfunction, because of the taboo around sex here most men are not good at foreplay or after play, so what do the committed but sexually unsatisfied women do then other than letting their fingers do the magic. Also having multiple sexual partners or even paid sex is not a socially viable and open choice for most of Indian women even today and hence a better option would be to “self-help” or use a vibrator, without the risks of STDs, social slander and other risks.

Benefits of Dating your Down Under

  • As they say those that help themselves always succeed could be true here too, helping you reach an orgasm leads to a more satisfied sexual life.
  • Your vagina and clit are sexual organs and keeping them active leads to better mental and physical health.
  • Touching yourself is the first step of a sexual evolution, it makes you know your own body better and explore your fantasies and pleasure points.
  • It is the healthiest and safest way for a woman to explore her sexual urges without the strings attached of a lover.
  • Masturbation increases a lady’s self-confidence and is an instant mood-up lifter. It triggers the flow of “feel good” hormones known as endrophins and hence stimulates your skin and mental state.
  • Masturbation has all the advantages of sex sans the complexities of doing it with a partner and you call the shots being in the driver’s seat all the time.
  • Helping yourself is actually helping your partner too, re-plugging literally into your sexuality will have obvious benefits for your sexual partner too.

So high time India wakes up from its Victorian slumber and accepts that women have a vagina and a clit and want sex and self-pleasure as much as men!

About the Guest writer: Pooja Priyamvada is a poet’s soul who is a digital content consultant/social media strategist/editor/translator by profession and a blogger by coincidence.  In her words: When not working or reading I write for my blog and learn life lessons with my daughter.My poetry is about my conversations with life and the pauses in between. My works have been published in several reputed online journals and print anthologies in India,UK and Canada and a few poems can even be read with a hot cup of coffee on the walls of The Human Bean Cafe,Toronto. I have been published at leading online portals like The Mighty,  ShethePeopleTv, Womens Web, Feminism in India, Menstrupedia, Bonobology and Writersmelon. A voracious reader, I am a tea connoisseur, love to travel and am deeply influenced by Sufi and Zen philosophy. Both my blogs were WINNERS at the #OrangeFlowerAwards in Poetry (English) and Hindi blogging categories respectively in 2016 and were Runner up Poetry and Finalist in Hindi in 2017.

She blogs at:

She can be contacted on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and Quora.

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Novemberschild © 2018 | All rights reserved

Posted September 24, 2018 by Novemberschild in category "Guest Posts

About the Author

I write a lot, which keeps me off the streets and out of trouble. There is always something to write about, always a new story to craft. Not writing, for me, is like trying to hold back a sneeze. Learning to write was the most powerful influence in my life. I can still remember the awe I felt when I realized I could put real words onto paper and tell out a story. From that first ‘a-ha’ moment I knew I wanted to write.


  1. By Pooja Priyamvada on

    This is a special piece for me, because very few portals in India would still want to use the M word for women sadly.
    Thanks Romila for creating this space and giving my voice some space here.

  2. By Achyut Chetan on

    One of the most important things about masturbation, male or female, is that it exercises one’s imagination. It is a romantic act that brings alive the soul of one’s memory. It is not a substitute for the “actual” sexual act, not a supplement, not sex sans partner. For an evolved person it is a creative act, as much as writing poetry is sometimes akin to masturbation. I offered this here as a response to what I felt was a definition in difference.

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